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In her book, Caring for Mother, Virginia Stem Owens says
that she wanted to give readers advance knowledge of
what is involved in caring for a loved one who dies of
Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s disease.
Owens stood by her parents through her mother’s illness.
Owens mention God. Her book is primarily about the care
given her mother.
“Guilt” is one of Owens’ themes. It might come as a
surprise to someone who hasn’t gone through what Owens
did. Rather than feeling like a saint or hero, she is
beset in her role as caretaker with self-recrimination.
At times she questions whether or not she could have
done something differently that would have been better
for her mother.
She feels guilty at different points for giving in to
frustration and anger. She sees herself not as any kind
of hero, but as someone who follows a path that appears
before her and on it she makes mistakes that she
regrets.
What Owens felt, others in similar circumstances might
also feel. In response to the guilt of a caregiver, God
daily gives forgiveness of sins.
God’s Word helps sort what is and isn’t really sinful.
For real sins, God’s Word supplies full pardon through
repentance in Jesus’ name. God convinces the weary
caregiver that he or she is free of guilt.
In Owens’ description of care-giving also are the themes
of powerlessness, total loss of control, and futility.
Owens speaks of her faith at various times, but you read
her book wishing you could find more about devotional
time in prayer, the assurance of the Lord’s Supper, the
power of the resurrection, and so on.
I don’t deny the weakness of human flesh and the reality
of Job-like anguish, but precisely because of human
weakness and Job-like anguish, faith is so important.
Through faith in Jesus, God, by grace, grants a deep,
personal, minute-by-minute relationship with Him. In a
Christian’s personal walk with God comes his help as he
goes “through many hardships to enter the kingdom of
God” (Acts 14:22).
I don’t want to make a mistake similar to the mistake
made by Job’s friends and falsely criticize Owens and
her faith. Owens’ book does accomplish the purpose for
which she writes it. It offers the preview of a
difficult road that some caregivers have to walk.
It is fitting to add to Owens’ book this postscript:
God’s Word previews for us that in Christ God will walk
with the caregiver every step of the way. Jesus is “the
way, the truth and the life” (John 14:6).
From the Older Adult Ministry Pastoral Advisor |
